December 2011
37 posts
2011
This year was unkind to me in the realm of love. I made one huge mistake. I removed some toxicity. I recovered spirituality. I found stability. I was supported by wonderful women. I lost a lot of myself but gained so much more back.
To my dad as I enter another year without you—I love you, wherever you are.
Feeling
So sad. I’m just too delicate for dating. Too wanting. Too breakable.
I think I can
Make it to 30 lbs lost by NYE.
That’s something to celebrate.
My motivational jeans and dresses are so close to fitting. Maybe 10 more lbs and I’ll be in them, comfortably.
If I could make it to 60 lbs lost by my birthday, that would be the best way to start off my 25th year that I could possibly imagine.
25 was always my internal deadline for getting my health together.
Wither weather
No appetite. My mind full of cotton. Body full of cement.
I did not need to know that
Feeling less than. Less than her. Less than what he’s already had. I see the end before the start.
Ugh
Poisoned.
I'm disturbingly
fucking hungry.
I gained three pounds over the weekend. I want to lose them before Christmas because I’ll inevitably gain them over the holiday.
This is getting so exhausting.
I have a feeling
I’m going to exit the train covered in milk.
How the Wench Stole Christmas
I had so much sugar last night. I want to die.
I'M EXCITED
I have a date with someone who makes me nervous.
That’s such a good sign.
I want to be
A plus-size model. Curves, baby.
totally
Rejected. And I didn’t even like him. Somehow that makes it worse. Because I can’t romanticize it in any way. It’s just purely pathetic.
A genuine connection is so rare. I have such a hard time letting go of those few I encounter. Sometimes I feel like something’s wrong with me. Like maybe I’m psychotic instead of sentimental.
But most of the time I just try to...
Seriously?
F ovaries.
Someone Please
Give me a smooch.
I will never
Be good at dating. And I’ll never like it.
Laundromat
My least favorite place to be. The people make me anxious. I’m convinced one will steal my suitcase. And the thought of putting away all my clean clothes makes me shudder.
Watching my pink underwear spin round and round and round…
I don’t delight in being neurotic.
Sometimes I wonder if I have a great mind and I’ll just never know it.
on power
i never want to be a manager of people. only a comrade. i want to be down in the pits. on the floor. i only ever want to be responsible for myself and my own work.
Holy Fudgkins
25 lbs lost today.
That feels like a lot. But it doesn’t look like that much.
Keep on truckin.
Failing
At letting go of the idea of us.
i made a promise to myself
that if he didn’t reappear in my life today, i’d have to mourn him properly.
Not to go all Smiths on you but...
Why don’t I ever get what I want?
